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This took my position from bearable to bloody uncomfortable. I didn’t care. It would
have to do.
At 10:15 it was dark enough for a rehearsal. My house is the end-terrace and it is
the only one with garden access. I assumed that he would arrive through the side-gate
and head for the fence. No matter how hard I tried, I could not stop myself from
imagining Danielle walking through in a summer dress. Then I remembered the size
of the print - probably a boot - and the fantasy vanished. I went downstairs and
checked that the backdoor and all windows were secure. I collected the cordless phone.
I’d never dialled 999 before.
I imagined his arrival again. Yes, definitely a man, coming through the side-gate
and reaching the fence. This would be my cue for action. I turned-on the camera,
paused, pushed the switch with my toe and the lamp came on. At this point, he would
look up and I would take the shot. And, I did. “Tuck-tush”. The image remained briefly
on the LCD display. It was bloody brilliant – literally. The decking was bathed in
a fantastic white light giving an atmosphere that was neither day nor night – like
a second innings in a Twenty20. The temptation to experience it was too great. I
went downstairs, unlocked the backdoor and stepped outside. I cast an impressive
shadow. I moved down the garden, stopped, placed my feet tightly together and held
out my arms at right angles to my sides. I was my own Angel of the South – three
metres tall. It was rather good. I then parted my legs. Not so good. I clasped my
hands together with two fingers raised. The largest bunny rabbit of all time appeared
on the lawn. I turned and headed for the house.
“Hello.”
I looked up to my right to see Cat-woman at her open bathroom window.
“That’s bright,” she said, “What is it?”
I glanced across to my bedroom window, my retinas fizzed, everything went dark and
I doubled forward with my hands to my eyes.
“Are you OK?”
