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These were my only summer shoes and they were ruined. I had no other footwear that
I could wear with shorts. It was too hot for boots and I would have to be dead to
wear trainers for anything other than sport. Clearly, I needed to buy some new ones,
but how would I get in to town? In bare feet?
I swore, went inside, filled the kettle and directed my diminishing powers of thought
towards prowlers and how to catch them. The Clash came on the radio and were boasting
how they had “fought the law.” I didn’t fancy fighting, but “calling the law” could
be a start…….and it would be an end to any excitement. This poorly written episode
of Morse belonged to me and I had no plans to share it. It was mine and I would think
of a way to trap him - something that I could design and construct myself, and guarantee
maximum pleasure from his humiliating capture. I’d show him.
I took-up a pen and doodled an idea. It was a pit with spikes in its floor. Tempting,
but it would ruin the garden. And, I couldn’t risk killing him – it would be such
a waste. I wanted him to suffer. The solution needed to be less medieval and more
cerebral. I puffed-out my cheeks and exhaled. Capturing an image would be more 21st
Century. I took out my phone and looked at it. It had oodles of megapixels, and this
may impress morons, but they are not much good when they sit the other side of a
lens that is smaller than a lentil. This type of “camera” was designed to capture
pointless moments in life - ones that you didn’t want to remember - like a shitty
little conscience waiting to shame you in the morning. No, this wasn’t a job for
a jumped-up phone. I needed a proper camera, and I had one of those.
The Nikon was at the back of my T-shirt drawer. It had been there for seven months,
since I’d put it there. Danielle had not been able to find it when she’d left. This
had upset her. It was childish of me to hide it, but so what? I’d bought it for her
and it wasn’t cheap. You have to sleep with me if you want to keep a digital SLR.
It wasn’t long before I wished that I’d hidden the manual as well. There were a thousand
too many features for it to be intuitive.
